To Keith...

Love like a burning amber never to burn out.

Goodness like a sun shedding light.

Giving the world without a doubt.

Ready to take on any fight.

For the ones who possess your love,

Are the luckiest of them all.

Raining down endless care from above.

For they know you'll catch if they should fall.

A composer of words that bleed from the soul.

Such passion and labor that never takes toll.

For I clearly believe...

You are everything a father should be.

Like a ship braving the sea.

I thank you unconditionally for your belief in me.

(For you. In return of your kindness and your lovely words...)

Holly...

This is my best friend Holly.
P.S. she cackles when she laughs.

I've Got a Thing for Elephants...

Aristotle once said the elephant was

"the beast which passeth all others in wit and mind."

Fly Away...

I just feel as if I want to fly away.

Just fly away from everything.

It's all sort of heavy.
A dark drowning.
It suffocates me with this
constant mindset.

A feeling not of happiness,
but of despair.

Are we losing our grip?
I'm trying to hold on tight.
I find that the weight of it all can only be held so long.
Give me anything, and I can do it.
Why is this so different now?
Why must it effect everything?

I feel as if nothing is okay.

Everything is just a blur. Like pictures of fading shades of gray.

Every sound is muted. Every word I say is ignored.

These branches are getting either too cold, too sharp, or too weak to hold me...

I want to fly away. From everything.

The bright side that we're supposed to be looking on seems to be fading.

The greener grass that resides on the other side seems to be parched and dying.

This aching feeling of loss and brokenness seems to be devouring me.

Everything seems so uneven. So subdued.

Why do I feel like this?

Why must this ache so much?

I do not know the answer.

...to any of these questions.

I just want everything to be okay.

I'm waiting not only for the answers, but for the light to come back into my life.

--

I know that I am a very lucky person.

I have a lot of beautiful people in my life, many wonderful opportunities, and a bright future ahead of me.

I believe my positively is running just a tad bit short this evening.

It'll be back soon.

I hope at least.

My One Dream Right Now...

I had a dream.

That I could fly from the highest swing.

I had a dream...

Fly far far away...

The Two Little Plants...

There are these two little plants that have lived on my kitchen counter top for years.
Through rain or shine, they've stayed healthy and strong.
After water and care deprivation they've still survived.
They've grown greener throughout the springtime.
They've lost bits and pieces of themselves during the cold winters.
They've always been there. Blooming.

They've resided on their little white tiled counter top for some time.
They've seen the birds fly past, and they've heard the wind howl and stir the trees.
Listening and watching from their kitchen window.
They've seen the many meals cooked on the stove and the many
movies watched on the couch.
They've seen how we've grown. How we've lived.
They've sat there day after day... and they've grown too.

---

Just recently those two little plants have started to wilt.
They've grown tired. They've grown dry.
No amount of water, sunlight, or even loving care can rescue them.

After all these years... they are dying.

It's like they know.
It's like they feel it too.

It would change everything.
It would make everything right.
Everything would be perfect.

Why can't I just do it?
Why can't I stop wasting time?
Why can't it just go away?

I'm coming to find that nothing's ever that easy.

Maybe it's just the way I'm looking at it.
Maybe I shouldn't look at it as "hard".
Even though it's the hardest thing in the world for me.
I just have to take charge.
I have to stop wasting time.
I need to take control.
This is my life.
I'm going to live it.
I'm going to conquer the demons and the hardships and the weaknesses.
Nothing's going to hold me back.
Everything is going to work out.
I'm asking for strength and discipline.
Please.

What I Fear Most...

I used to be afraid of the loudness of it all.

It used to be the one thing I loathed.

With this story, or in other words this tragedy almost at it's close...

I have come to find that I fear one thing a bit more.

I fear the day when it all goes silent.

I can't wait for the day when things are different.
When they are kind.

That place seems so far away.