This is my best friend Matthew Benjamin Bermudez.

We are going to travel the world one day:)

5 Facts of Me...

1. My name is Meghan. My mom named me after The Thornbirds, and the Meghan in that book had in fact an H in her name. I love it. A splash of uniquness.
2. I have dark brown hair that I have never died before which some look at as a big achievment at my age.
3. I have dark brown eyes that I say have a bit of gold in the sun... alas, no one else seems to agree.
4. I am Cuban, Spanish, and Irish. Many mistake me for Asian because of my eyes. I'm still questioning my mother on that subject... I'll let you know.
5. My room is the brightest pink you ever saw... I mean, you need an spf before walking in.

We be cute :)

We like to dress up like hipsters and go out in public :)

We dream in denim :)

... I cannot wait.

For I have love in my heart that is just waiting to be released.

Love that has the strength to stop time and end wars.

Love that is infinite and unconditional.

I'm not sure if this is the wisest of loves to own,

but I know for a fact... it is a love that will never wither.

Images of Relevance...

My Favorite Song...

Here are the lyrics to my favorite song...
They are in my opinion, the most beautiful words I've ever heard.

Turning Page by: Sleeping At Last


I've waited a hundred years.
But I'd wait a million more for you.
Nothing prepared me for,
What the privilege of being yours would do.

If I had only felt the warmth within your touch.
If I had only seen how you smile when you blush.
Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough.
Oh I would have known what I was living for
All along.
What I've been living for.

Your love is my turning page.
Where only the sweetest words remain.
Every kiss is a cursive line,
Every touch is a redefining phrase.

I surrender who I've been for who you are.
For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart.
If I had only felt how it feels to be yours,
Well, I would have known what I've been living for
All along.
What I've been living for.

Though we're tethered to the story we must tell,
When I saw you, well, I knew we'd tell it well.
With a whisper, we will tame the vicious seas.
Like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees.

Like a star on fire or a day of rain. We are powerless.
We do not choose such things.
We do not dictate when the rain will wet the ground and drown the earth.
We do not say when a star will burn out and plunge into the defeated unknown.
We do not know nor do we have the power or strength.

We do not choose who we fall in love with.
People may say we do, but they are mistaken.
Love is not chosen. It in itself is the chooser.
The choice maker.
The chains that bind.
The force.
The light.
The power.
It is immortal.
It is idyllic.
It is dangerous.
It is kind.
It is fear.
It is here.

It is inevitable.

If it were not true... Where would we be?
Maybe we would be full.
Maybe our hearts would never become broken.
Maybe we wouldn't even exist.
Maybe. Maybe not.
Love.
A very peculiar thing indeed.

To You...

I knew that things were never truly in shadow. I knew that everything would soon be warm and happy again. I am glad to say I feel it happening. I know it's a slow process. One that takes pacience, faith, and good old fashion time. I expect and try to prepare myself for future set backs and times of haulting grief, which I think is healthy.
I've returned to myself a little bit more each day.
I smile more. I wake up in the morning with more hope rather than dread. I'm trying to love myself and every wonderful and beautiful thing around me a bit more. I don't let words and stares and glares and talk get me down.
I try detach myself from that poison.
Now, is the time I want to speak the truth that has sat in me for a long time...
Not to anyone, but to a few people who I hold words for...

You are the person who has pushed me and kicked me down for so long. The words that flow out of your mouth resemble toxic waste. Your hateful glares and gossip. Not even decent enough to share in person, but behind my back. You have tried to make me feel small and hated. Bringing others down that same hateful path. You have found wrong in everything I do. Why? What have I done to you?
You would think that I wish you harm and pain and suffering, but you are mistaken.
To you, I wish nothing but pure happiness... I wish nothing less. I wish this so that maybe you won't find the need to take it away from others.

You should really be nicer to people. Your coldness will surely leave you frostbitten. You might end up catching a cold from the ice inside your soul.

You are my best friend, my confidant, my favorite... You make me laugh. You make me want to get up in the morning. You make me want to want to go on. I couldn't imagine my life without you. Don't ever let my life go on without you. Please.

You are so far away. It might as well be a world away, and yet everytime we talk... I smile and I feel at ease. I've never felt that with anyone. I feel myself. I feel better than myself. I feel a happier self. If I'm going through something and we happen to catch up, I feel nothing but peace for that short amout of time. You get me. I like to think I get you. I like to think that you cared for me very much at one time. I like to think that it we had something at one point. Call it nostalgia, wishful thinking, sillyness...
It is what it is.

You are someone I wasted so much time, tears, energy, dare I say love, hope, and fantasy on... You kind of took it all from me. You hold such a bitter place in me now. One I don't think will go away for a long time.
I would be totally content if I never saw you again.
All I can say to you is one thing and one thing only...
I pity the fool who falls in love with you.

You are beautiful and important and worth the world. Don't ever think differently.

You and I were best friends, then just friends, then not friends, then just friends, and now best friends again. I'm so happy we are. I love you. Despite all of our past tiffs and words, you will always be one of my ultimate best friends.
Be happy. Be healthy. Be you.

To all whom I've loved or even lost, I would write a novel for each and everyone of you...
A novel filled with stories of life and love. A tragedy. A drama. A comedy. A romance.
The sky is the limit, and every novel would be new and different.
A story of us.
You've made me who I am and I am grateful to you.
You've all taught me many things. Thank you.


With all that said and now forever gone, I feel cleansed in a way. They've been residing and simmering in me for a long time.
I'm happy they are free now.
I'm happy.

The Motions...

I find myself going through the same motions every day. I wake up. I get ready. I go to school. I go to rehearsal. I go home. I read. I write. I listen. I sleep. I repeat.

I live in a world that is somewhat different. In both good and not so good ways. But, mostly just unfamilar, and uncharted territory that I have yet to explore.
I stay. Huddled in my own little being. Refusing to stand and look with my own two eyes.
Maybe I'm just scared? Me scared? That's scary.

I don't think I talk as much as I used to. In fact, I don't think I laugh or smile or converse as much as I used to either. At least at school I don't.
There is one thing I do a lot more of. At least a lot more than I did before.
I think a lot more.

I process things. I focus. I find myself thinking about certain things for hours at a time. My brain capacity has increased through it's other absences. It's really what gets me through the days. Through the same old motions. I think about words. I think about how people use those words to communicate. I think about people. I observe them every second of the day. I never knew a person could be so observant. People fascinate me. They are all so different. They all have their own motions. The differences in speech or manner. The differences in they way they walk and look. The way they transfer thoughts to words. The way they communicate to one another. The way they feel about one another. Honestly, if you really took the time to watch, you could easily see how someone feels about another person.

Is it weird that I'm saying all of this? Saying that I spend my emptyness watching other people.
It does sound rather odd, but you must not understand my reasoning...
I watch them because they do in fact fascinate me. I watch them because they help me in a way.
They inspire me to look past. They inspire me to think.

I watch and I write.
I observe and I write how I feel after pondering over a certain person for a bit.
I write about the brilliant boy in my theatre class. I write about the girl who though very pretty on the outside, is not much to see on the inside. I write about the way people walk and talk. How they bite their nails and write with their left hands. (which I believe must be a genius trait)
I never knew anything about these people until I stepped down from myself and looked onto others.
More people should do it. I'm sure the world would be rid of a few less selfish and self absorbed people.
Then again... I may very well have been one of those exact people.
Then again... Aren't we all?
We are ourselves, therefore we think about ourselves a lot. Understandable, of course.

I just really feel thankful to these people. They truly get me through the days.
They get me to Friday every week.

I never thought about writing.
But, now I see why people do it.
Some can brilliantly compose words out of dust. Words that capture you and refuse to let you go. Words that leave you in another world.
I see now that a writer can make a world of their own with just a thought in their mind and a flick of their pen.
A world they do not have.
Perhaps a world they long to have.

High School...

There is a far off place in a far away land where every boy and every girl soon come of age to travel to.
It is a a place where heroic and strong viking warriors battle, a place where brilliant magis and magicians experiment with potions and spells, a place of minstrels and jesters, a place of noblemen and noblewomen, a place of peasants, and of course, like every kingdom... a place of evil and frightening witches.

This far off land is place where the sun shines bright and warm in the summer, the leaves turn viking gold and orange in the fall, the wind, crisp and cold, flies through the land in the winter, and in the spring... the rain washes away the past.

A place where the latest fashions of the kingdom are always displayed. A place where you hear the squeaking of markers on dry erase boards. A place where the boom of the kingdom officials is always heard on the overhead speakers. A place of monotonous lessons and insincere greetings. A place where the lavatories are always avoided, and by the stench... you'd understand fully. A place where a pack of gum can be an opportunity to make seven new friends. A place where potions are experimented and animals are torn apart by magicians (chemists) and medicine men and women (biologists) in training. A place where the equations you are forced to do in a book are not anything like the equations you will have to figure out in your own life. A place where knees and elbows are scraped on the warriors rough green turf. A place where words that are written by other men are recited on stages made by other men, acted out by other men. A place where cliques are made and broken and other cliques are made out of those broken ones. A place where people make you, or they break you.
This place in this far away land is called High School.

Music will be the thing that saves me.
It's already starting to.

"Not all those who wander are lost..."

Then why do I feel so lost?

I don't think I'll ever be who I once was.

Is that just life and growing up?

I just never really thought it would be this hard.

I don't really know where I belong.

I'm hopeful and open.

I'm willing.

I'm ready.

I'm here.

Somewhat alone and maybe even a bit lost.

Just waiting to be found.

Change...

I learned that sometimes things just happen that change everything. One little action or event can change how one feels about everything, about their life. When this happens, coping isn't always easy.
Suddenly, the places you're in seem unwelcoming and cold.
The faces that surround you become people that only make you feel more alone.
The world that you live in, is not as it should feel or even be.
Everything affects everything. Nothing is ever okay when everything else is totally wrong.
It's just how it is.
It's how we work... and sometimes it's all we can say.
It's the only excuse we can use. It's inevitable.
To heal. To cope. To get through. How?

Change.
I need change.
I need new faces and new places. I need a new world and a new life.
I need to be surrounded with new.
I need change.

I used to fear change...

Now, I welcome it.

Falling In... Falling Out...

Falling In:
It's said to be the most effortless, the most lovely, the most beautiful, and the most heavenly thing.
To love. To fall in love. To feel completed. To feel at home. To feel wanted and needed and crazy in love.
It must be really something.

Falling Out:
It's said to be the easiest, the darkest, the loneliest, the most heartbreaking, and the most poisonous thing.
To not love. To fall out of love. To feel incomplete. To feel completely alone. To feel unwanted and unneeded and thrown away.
It must be really something.

If two people can come to fall in love, how can they fall out? You can't fall one way and then fall another. It defies the laws of nature. Is love just something that isn't even listed in the laws of nature? Is it something that just is? With no theories? Is it too complex or complicated to even begin to explain or figure out?
Or is the complete opposite? So easy and effortless that it needs no explanation?

You see... I have many questions. Questions left unanswered.

Why fall in love, start a life, why love, and live, why be?
Why, if it all ends? Why, if it all just fades away?
Is it that it never existed in the first place?
Is it that it's all just as pointless as all of my questions?

After reading all of this you'd probably think that I'm one of those girls who is cynical and bitter. One who thinks that love doesn't exist.
It's funny, because I bet you haven't met a single person who believes in love more that I do.
I love love. I believe in it more than I believe in anything.

I've found that I don't not believe in love... but that I simply know nothing of it.

I know nothing of love.

My Prologue...

I will be seventeen in two months and you'd think that after almost seventeen years in this world, I'd have something to account for.
I don't.
My life to me has just been warming up. It hasn't even begun. I think that I will truly know when it starts. It'll be the kind of thing that hits me at a hundred miles per hour. The skies will dramatically clear. The world will open up to me. I will feel free. I will feel importance and reason within me. I will finally begin.
This is all just a prologue to me. Just a little before knowledge. A little piece of life that isn't even near a beginning or middle or especially an ending.

I have so many plans and dreams and hopes. They aren't just mindless nonsense. They couldn't be.
There has to be more to life.
There has to be perfect endings and happily ever afters.
They can't be just written and made up for the world to envy.
That wouldn't be right.
I know that a perfect story or life can't nor should be handed to you on a silver platter... but it still should not be unattainable.
It should be reachable. It should be deserved.
What other reason is there for life?

Some people will go there whole life feeling incomplete.
How are those people chosen? Is it there own doing? Is it a greater power?
I used to be so completely adamant on the point of ones outlook on life and in life. I used to say that you can only be as happy as you let yourself be.
I must say... I've seen and learned a lot since those naive days, and it's definitely harder than it sounds.
But, isn't everything?

Life definitely has a way of sometimes tossing you around. Even if I feel like my story hasn't even started, this has been one hell of a prologue.

But... I realize deep inside myself that time is going to fly right by. And I really hope that years from now when my mind is a little wiser, and when my skin is a little older, and when my heart is a little stronger, I hope I can look back and be okay with who I was then... and who I became.

Ode to Divorce...

The One Thing...

The one thing I long for in life,

is an incandescent ending...