It Will Pass...

I’m lost in a sea of disarray.
Not knowing which way is up.
Not knowing which way is down.
Conclusions of doubts and failures looming in the air.
My mind has been stretched thin.
My heart has been stretched thinner.
Left behind.
By everything.

...I've come to notice that I haven't been as positive as I usually am lately. This needs to change. Just my own positive attitude and outlook used to temper my own storms. It hasn't been that easy lately. We all go through times of doubt, fear, sadness...
We all go through funks. That is what this is...
I won't let it loom any longer. It will pass... I hope.

Us Against The World...

So I'd like to introduce you to my best friend.

This is Nicole. She's blonde, beautiful, brilliant and athletic. The polar opposite of me. She's everything I've ever wanted to be. She's sensational.

She is my best friend in the whole entire world. We've been best friends since 7th grade. We were inseparable all throughout junior high always together, never apart. Then life began and we went on to high school. She went to Westranch, and I went to Valencia.
It was the hardest thing not having her by my side at every moment. We still went through freshman year somewhat together. Inseparable via text messages and weekend visits. I still was there for her for anything... Especially interrogating her unfortunate taste in boys, while she was still there supporting me through anything and everything...

Now we are both sixteen, and we both have very different lives.
We haven't seen each other since March. March 3rd to be exact. Her birthday. One day after mine.
We haven't gotten together or even talked in so long. We might as well be a world away. The terrible part is that she lives 2 minutes away.

I hate it. So much.

I wasn't there for her when she got her license or when she ran for ASB.
She didn't know when I was going through break-ups or when I made jazz.

It makes me sick inside. She's the one person in my life who I can tell anything to. She never judges me. She always knows what to say to me.
I'm the kind of person who goes insane when thoughts and feelings and emotions over occupy my mind. Sometimes you just need somebody to listen... to actually hear you. The only problem is that you can't unload your whole madness to just anyone. She was always my someone.

I am so sorry Cole. You are the most important person in the world to me. I would and will do anything for you. I am sorry for being such a terrible friend. Not texting you, or calling you, or coming over.

The funny thing is that when we do see each other, it will be like nothing has changed... I love that about us.
I love you so much. Don't ever forget that.
I'm so proud of you. Track, your 4.0 GPA, your wonderful boyfriend. (a good one this time)

Have a beautiful and safe time in Europe. PLEASE bring me back some European BOYS. The ones here are running my patience and heart thin.

I love you Cole. It will always be us against the world. I promise.

Love your best friend,

Meg<3



That One Word...

I read an article today about that one little word that everyone knows. It's the one word that people live for and die for. The one word that people write about, sing about, dream about. It makes someone. It breaks someone. Yep... that is the word I am referring to.
LOVE.

I can't wrap my head around this little word.
Does everyone experience true love? Is it really existent in every one's world?
Love is kind... Is it really?
Maybe "true love" only exists for the lucky ones.

I'm sure that love is beautiful, and kind, and the best feeling anyone could have. I'm sure it is magic.
I'm also sure that it's wonderful when returned.
We love the people we love for a reason. Do they love us back? Not always.

This is really terrible to say, but I sometimes think of mine and of humanity's view on love and/or unrequited love as hypocritical.

We love the people we want to love. They fifty percent of the time won't love us back, and frankly... that really sucks.
There are people who might love us, and fifty percent of the time we won't love them back. That sucks too.
We are heartbroken when our love doesn't feel the same, and yet the people who love us are feeling the same pain we feel. Hypocritical in a way. Or maybe not. Maybe that's just life?

On another note, should we settle for a person just because they love us when someone else may not? Would that be in fact "settling"?
It's so hard to understand. Should it be this hard?

I'm a girl. I love the idea of love. Literature, movies, the whole thing. The funniest thing is that I know nothing of love. I'm stubborn about this. I don't know why. It's not because I haven't loved someone before. It's also not because someone has never loved me before. There is a huge difference with loving someone, and being in love with someone.

What I know it that when I fall in love... I'll know. I just will.

Nothing But The Truth...

What is honesty?
Isn't honesty just simply being truthful?
Such a simple word with such a commodious amount of meaning.
It's bigger than just seven words and three syllables.
Honesty is essential in a relationship of any kind.
I would will be honest with you.
You deserve it.

I May Very Well Be All Talk...

To risk it all... One of the most frightening things to me.

You may know me as the girl with a lot to know, a lot to say, a lot to give... but really, I'm just a girl trying to make sense of situations that revolve around madness. It terrifies me.

Is life really about taking risks? Do people who are too scared to take those risks really miss out?
What am I saying? Of course they do... I must be forgetting all literature, famous movements, success stories... Out the window.

This is just me being afraid. I admit it. I am afraid.

"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risks must be taken because the biggest hazard in life is to risk nothing"

I fear not being loved in return. I fear pain. I really fear failure...
Who doesn't?

I may very well be all talk. I'm always the one giving advice to ones who ask... I tell them to just do it. Just take the chance. Why can't I take my own advice?

I won't let life pass me by. I need to gain courage. I will. Starting now.

I don't show weakness very often. I'm taking the risk...

I'm In A Relationship...

with music...

Your long list of sycophants does not include me.

 It never has.

Goodbyes...

I am so blessed and grateful. I’m honored and privileged to know the people that I know. To have the friends that I have. I’m so proud of them. They have their whole lives ahead of them. They are soon to be closing old doors and opening new ones…

I hope you all get to experience every single experience that life has to offer...
I hope you laugh and smile. I hope you fall in love (more than once). I hope you write and sing and dance. I hope you make new friends. I hope you keep old ones. I hope you make discoveries and go on adventures. I hope you breath in the finest air from the finest places. I hope life treats you well…

Each and every single one of you have so much to offer to this world. Thank you for sharing your beauty with me. This time has been truly lovely…

I’m good at staying in touch, so don’t be surprised hearing from me every so often.

Goodbye my friends… and good luck:)

Love,

Meghan

 

It's Inevitable...

Like sand running through my fingers... taken away by the wind.
I'm going to let the wind do it's job. I'm going to let life do what it will.
It's inevitable. It's unavoidable.
Growing up, letting go... It's life.

Someone Special...

Nothing at all is personal anymore. Nothing can just be between two people. Whether it be a friendship, a relationship, a romance...

I find that people hide behind technology.
I prefer reality to be completely honest.
Don't get me wrong... the whole texting/communication/cyberly connected aspect is fine, but that's not communication.

A relationship of any kind is based on communication.
You can't communicate how you feel over text, You just can't.

Technology is a crutch to us all. I don't think you should need a cellular device or a computer to tell another person how you feel. The challenge is facing it all, and saying what you need to say not knowing the response ahead you.
I prefer a relationship or a friendship in person.

Someone asked me today what I really want right now. This made me think long and hard...
So after a day of musical theatre and a night of chick flicks, this is what I came up with...

For myself, I don't think a serious relationship is my deal right now. I have so much time to be serious.

The point is that an ideal relationship of any kind for me is just someone I can laugh with, and smile with, and joke with... This is the time for friendships and closeness.
Someone who I understand, and someone who understands me. Someone who enjoys my presence as much as I enjoy theirs. Someone special.

“Love is when two people know everything about each other and are still friends."

I think in a way, everyone wants this. I believe things just simply get in the way. People are put in our lives for certain reasons. Treasure them.

Say What I Need To Say...

It's one of those couple days where I try to write down exactly what I feel and want to say. Effortlessly pushing keys and space bars until the sanity sinks back into me. Backspace usually follows.

I feel as if time is just slipping away. I want time to do what I want to do, and more importantly really say what I need to say. If we went through life not saying what was in our hearts or minds, then the very importance of truth and one's own self representation would be nonexistent.

In the words of John Mayer, "It's better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say."

Fear is a big aspect in this predicament of talkative sorts.
For anyone who knows me, I'm not one to express fear or weakness. There are many reason why.
I don't fear many things. Well maybe I do... The things I fear are the things I fear losing or ruining or ending.
I fear failure. I fear disappointment. I fear loneliness. I fear unrequited love.

I don't fear heights. I don't fear gossip. I don't fear drama.
I've never been one for drama. I avoid it. It's pointless nonsense.

Sometimes I wish I could put every weapon and piece of armor down and just say it all... but it's true. I confess this. I'm afraid of the aftermath. I'm afraid of ruining things that mean the most to me. I'm afraid of what you'd say.

I need to work on this. I need to gain courage. There's only so much time in this world. It could pass me by and up without a simple thought or care. I won't let it. Why keep inside things that are not only meant for myself, but for others? In a way, it's stealing their own knowledge. They may not be aware of it, but that's exactly the point.
I'm going to say what I need to say from now on...
*John Mayer's sultry voice fades in* :)

Breathe Deeply. Exhale. Repeat...

I'm sixteen years old... I'm sixteen years old, and I already have my life planned out. I have my plans set. I have my future picked out as easily as someone picks out a pair of shoes. I have big ambition and big plans, but I've realized something huge in all this planning... These plans may not work out. These goals may not ever get reached. This ambition may be an endless stream never to be used for anything but a stream, or in this case, only for myself. I've learned that no matter what, there's only one thing.
In five years, what do I want to be?
I want to be happy. 

The thing that everyone must learn in life is that nothing will ever satisfy you if you're not happy. Who wants to go through life unhappy? Unsatisfied? Not me. Those people who go through life ungrateful and insatiable must have such a hard time. Always wanting more. Never appreciating the little things.
Happiness is the breath of life. Breathe deeply. Exhale. Repeat.

I cannot speak for everyone, but sometimes you just have to choose to be happy. Pick the things that make you happy. Don't settle for anything less.

The future is always changing. Aim for a bright future. Don't dread the days that follow. Don't dread life. Make life something worthwhile. I have my share of days, but when those days are at a close, I try to rethink and change my outlook, my perspective, my attitude towards whatever situation I'm in. My attitude towards life.
Everything happens for a reason. Some things are just meant to be. Battling it out with mother nature or with the unresponsive world around you will only leave you left with disappointment and wounds. Put your weapons down. Love always.

This concludes my lecture/rant...

Who am I to tell people how to act or how to live their own lives? This isn't that at all, I assure you. We all have our own stories...This is me telling myself how to act... This is helping me with my own story.