It's one of those couple days where I try to write down exactly what I feel and want to say. Effortlessly pushing keys and space bars until the sanity sinks back into me. Backspace usually follows.
I feel as if time is just slipping away. I want time to do what I want to do, and more importantly really say what I need to say. If we went through life not saying what was in our hearts or minds, then the very importance of truth and one's own self representation would be nonexistent.
In the words of John Mayer, "It's better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say."
Fear is a big aspect in this predicament of talkative sorts.
For anyone who knows me, I'm not one to express fear or weakness. There are many reason why.
I don't fear many things. Well maybe I do... The things I fear are the things I fear losing or ruining or ending.
I fear failure. I fear disappointment. I fear loneliness. I fear unrequited love.
I don't fear heights. I don't fear gossip. I don't fear drama.
I've never been one for drama. I avoid it. It's pointless nonsense.
Sometimes I wish I could put every weapon and piece of armor down and just say it all... but it's true. I confess this. I'm afraid of the aftermath. I'm afraid of ruining things that mean the most to me. I'm afraid of what you'd say.
I need to work on this. I need to gain courage. There's only so much time in this world. It could pass me by and up without a simple thought or care. I won't let it. Why keep inside things that are not only meant for myself, but for others? In a way, it's stealing their own knowledge. They may not be aware of it, but that's exactly the point.
I'm going to say what I need to say from now on...
*John Mayer's sultry voice fades in* :)
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